Two Steps Forward!! Two Steps BACK???
12/19/2008 10:55:00 AM Posted In going backwards , past , relationships Edit This 7 Comments »
Today's blog is about whether or not people should take steps backwards by dating or fucking with someone from the past. this topic was brought to my attention by my good friend Aliyah and when she asked me this question, well shit, i didnt know what to tell her!! now that ive gotten time to sit and think about it, i think i have a pretty decent answer...
so many people have been in the situation where they have been approached by an ex on the topic of being together again. i've seen it happen way too often...it has even happened to me. my outlook on it is...
"only go backwards if the reason you stopped being together was not interferring with forward progress"
if you were with someone and you stopped dating because one of you cheated, i think it should be left alone. if one of you was brutally dishonest, then i dont feel there's a need to try again.
but...if its a reason like..."our parents didnt want us together" or "we felt we were too far apart, distance wise, to make it work" then i believe it can be given another shot. Nothing in the last two examples was the fault of either party which means that things were ended on mutual terms and there can still be something there.
if the reason involves cheating, dishonesty or betrayal, let that shit stay where its at...in the past!! The relationship obviously was not based on much if those factors came into play...so why try it again?
after saying that, theres another stipulation i think would alter my answer. How long ago has it been since you were with this person? is this a fresh break up? or has it been years and years? i believe people make mistakes so not all cheating and lying is completely deliberate BUT...if the cheating happened yeeeears ago and you have both been with other people since then, what the fuck is the point anyway??? why are you trying to rebuild something that crashed and burned SO long ago?
If its a fresh break up and you guys are still actively communicating and tyring to talk and work things out, then i say more power to you. Myabe the person realizes what a fuck-up they made and needs a second chance to prove that they can make things work.
one more stipulation...how important as this person to you? did you guys really even have something serious? or was it just puppy love from jump? is it something you saw going anywhere? did you really feel like you had a shot with this person to spend your life with? Because if i give an ex a chane at this point...i'm looking for something long term. not just a trail period to see what may and may not happen AGAIN. If im gonna be testing something out, it would be with someone new so that im not sitting there already expecting certain results.
i dont do that whole "dont know what you got til its gone" bullshit. how does that worl out anyway? you have something right in your face for months or even years that is damn near perfect...and it takes you losing it for you to realizze how special it was?!!?!??!?
BULLSHIT!!!
If it takes you years and years to figure out that shit was good when you had it...then quite frankly, you're an ASSHOLE (my apologies to anyone who fits in that category but im being real)
That's almost like someone dying thats close to you and you sit and say that you didnt realize how much they meant until they were gone! i CANT get down with that one!! It should NOT take extreme measures to appreciate what and who you have in your life!
I think an ex trying to come back around is actually quite selfish. We've gone all this time without each other, i've had my time to get over you...and now here you come with a sob story about ho no other female/male worked out and were nothing like the person you want back so, can we give it another shot? NIGGA/BITCH PLEASE!!!
i'm not about to sit here and go backwards because you could not find a replacement for me!! must be kidding...
(sorry im so into this topic but i feel some type of way for real...just doesnt make sense to me)
there are ex's i've wnated to hit up like...what happened to us? maybe we should try again but i wouldn't. That can completely mess up whatever they have because now they are sitting there with thoughts of how things could have potentially worked out for the two of you. And all that happens is another relationship where i am sitting there wondering whether or not history will repeat itself. Because people can say they forgive all they want...but no one ever forgets something as painful as a break up.
i could go on for days about whether or not you should go back to your past and try to make it your future but i want to know what you guys think...
SHOULD YOU EVER GIVE YOUR PAST ANOTHER SHOT? UNDER WHAT STIPULATIONS??
7 comments:
I told Aliyah that would happen....but she knows it all, lol
Thanks to the long awaited blog entry Tanyeezy lol! This topic has come up in many of our conversations. SMFH to M.A.S.E.'s comment..but anyhoo...
I'm a firm believer in forward motion...BUT I will contest to, as Tanya calls it, "two steps back". In all instances, I agree, that you must first analyze what the situation once was and what it could potentially be for you in the future. Every past instance helped/helps mold your future. It's what you learned from that situation that will either allow you to return or keep going. Something I notice with alot of us females that have a bad past/history with a dude, is that we dont learn so quickly from these type of experiences...it's always the 4th and 5th time when we're like "Oooooh...this nigga did smack me in the face" or "oooh shit, he really did cheat on me"...just dont know what it is. Again, you must analyze what was before you can determine what is. Does the person show growth/change/anything that can apply to the ground you are currently standing on? TOGETHER you both should be able to move FORWARD, but if he/she is steps behind you...not even worth it!
On a personal note...uak that I have formulated a plan for 2009. Either you rise or you fall! And to all those who are not about rising to another level, power and prosperity...they will not be joining me in 2009..previous or current lol!
Keep going foward if you know their not worth your time or haven't made any changes, if you were the one that fucked it up and you know you fucked up a good thing, then taking a step back wouldn't be so bad, it varies, depending on the individual. It's only 1 I'd consider going back to though so... Yup!
MR.G.B.
Aliyah, i agree with females not learning quickly enough to leave who they are with alone. It sounds more like you're talking about a current relationship though. I need to know why people go back to their past...if they do at all. And if you would go back???
Kev,
i see your point BUT...how can you say keep moving forward if its there fault...and then if its yours, maybe things can work?? dont those two things cancel each other out??
In reference to females not learning quickly...situations like the examples I gave occur in current and past unhealthy relationships. Those are just a FEW examples of how when people split in an unhealthy relationship such as described, its always the woman who's more likely to give in. This happens based on emotion ("love" as some tend to call it) rather than REALITY...this is one reason y some return to their past. On another note...speaking on personal experiences...I have instances where I have dated and had relationship with people from my past. But both instances were coincidental and very unexpected. Both were also people from long ago whom I didnt really have "as serious" relations at that young part of my life lol. And in that time when my return was pending, both had me curious to see what the "grown" version of them would actually be. What made it so natural/easy was the fact that I could skip the "getting-to-know" phase and the attraction was also already in place. But listen girl..."Curiosity killed the cat"...don't do it! lol j/k
I personally do not feel it's okay to go back to an ex to re-develop a failed relationship, especially if they were abusive, didn't treat you right, constantly cheated, got someone pregnant while you were together, gave you an STD etc you get the point. The whole point of life is to move forward, not backward. You don't progress by going backward. You learn from looking at your past mistakes, but other than that, don't go back. Just because the person said they've changed blah blah blah, doesn't mean they've done so. Even though there's a part of you that wants to see if that's really true, there's a part of you who is gonna remember how bad they've treated you, and you'll realize it just isn't worth it.
If the relationship ended because they had to move (I don't do long distance relationship), their parents didn't want you together, and situations like that, then why not go back? Especially if there was something genuine there. You never know, you could be passing up on "the one."
All of my old ex's haven't been too great for me to say I'm gonna go back, so right now I'm stuck with my keeper ;o) ..::LOL::..
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