To Love or To Be In Love...

12/16/2008 07:22:00 AM Posted In , , Edit This 4 Comments »
I love you... I'm in love with you...

These are words quite often use to describe one's feeling for their significant other. I've been asking myself for awhile whats the difference of the two statements? What makes the other statement more powerful? When will you know that you've fallen in love with that person?

Love is the single most important feeling in the human universe. Love is being there for another human being, being there completely and without hesitation. It's talking and communicating, sharing special moments, sharing everyday life and boring Sundays. It is loving each other at the parties, when everything is fine, and being there during the dull and grey weekdays, thus making them even more colourful than the largest party spent away from your Love. Love is slowly getting to know all about this wonderful other human being. It is knowing your Love's past and accepting it, it is cherishing the gift it is to be together in the present, and it's knowing that no matter what happens, you will be there in the future. Love is, narrowed to a very basic word, a question of trust. It is letting go and trusting this other person. It is not being afraid that what you say will be passed on to others. It's knowing that your Love will not laugh at you or think you're silly when you talk about your doubts and fears, because we all have doubts and fears! And once you trust your Love, once you know that what he or she tells you is the complete truth, once you know that your Love will not leave you should you become fat and old, should you get paralysed and blind, then you are free ! It sounds so simple, and anyone who have felt like this will agree - it is the best feeling in the world!

However, whats the difference between loving someone and being in love??

Being in love is a condition. Loving is an action. Being in love usually describes what is happening to you. Loving usually describes what you do about it. There's nothing wrong with being in love. But what you do about it is most important.

I believe that the magic element is the individual will to include the other in his or her life. A person becomes "in love" by choice. The difference between love and being in love is the softening of one's heart to the other. It's a chouce each person really needs to make for him or herself. Obviously, you can not will another person in love with you.

A person in love sees the best in his or her loved one and is able to overlook the other's shortcomings. Being in love, in actuality, doesn't change loving people. It creates a new view of each person for him or herself and for each other. It is like selective sunbeams shining in on our best views, leaving the rest in muted shadows.

The problem with the "in love" focus comes when the cozy feelings are used as a barometer to determine a level of commitment in a relationship. This way of thinking overturns the way love works. It should be the other way around. Loving individuals give tenderly out of their love and commitment for each other. They both contribute to the security and warmth of the relationship and nurture their love for each other.

People "in love" most often become disillusioned because the intense cozy feelings fade away. Once the infatuation has worn off, as it always does, these people suddenly believe they must not have been meant for each other. Otherwise, they would still be feeling the same intensity of love for each other.

I think that being in love is a preparatory emotion that helps people overcome their selfishness long enough to BEGIN loving each other. The infatuation is not the goal. The goal is to sacrifice one's own selfishness, to gain a deeper appreciation and tolerance for the other, and to learn to love with lasting commitment. To be truly in love is to be considerate for your loved one's life-long well being. This kind of love needs to deepen in order for meaningful relationships to last. These are the couples who stay in love.


The opinions and views on the difference of love and being in love will vary. So my question(s) are what is your definition of love and being in love? When would you know that you've fallen in love? And could being in love be confused with infatuation?
{miss sophisticated}

4 comments:

Peggy M. said...

I might not answer your questions because my answers will probably be too long and drawn out but I'll say that being in love is wonderful...but it also clouds your judgement at times. Oh, and you know when the L disease has attacked you...lol.

Many people confuse being in love with infatuation. The high is almost the same in the beginning. But to me, infatuation eventually fades to black...

I have a question though - I know some people (not many) who thinks they love first then fall in love. I'm the opposite, not that it matters, but that's just how my mind moves. What's your take?

Rita said...

Thats so true. If its geniune, the love factor will continue to grow.

As far as your question, most would think thats the way its supposed to go. Saying "I love you" then the feeling of being in love should fall into place. Although it doesn't necessarily work like that. But I can only speak for myself. In my case, I believe that I may work in the same way. I'm kinda a sucka for love so I had to learn how to put my feelings aside and try to get to know the person before I can truly say I love them & am in love with them. Because I can love anyone & of course love varies towards different people (i.e. family, friends..) But when it all comes down to the person i'm involved with, I rather have the feeling of loving them & being in love with them hit me all at the same time. Weird I know, but this lets me know that its more than just infatuation & that I can see myself with this person til the day my Lord takes me away.

**trucee writer** said...

this is a topic i've ALWAYS wondered about and no one has given me a clear answer so, i'm gonna make up my own lol

loving someone is caring for them and being willing to do things you wouldnt normally do to help them out...i love my family SO much, my friends SO much, and certain other aquaintances that dont fall in that category but i am NOT in love with any of the above mentioned...

now...i fell IN love ONE time in my entire life and i felt the same feelings as if i loved him...but it was MUCH deeper. i care for him and im not just willing to do things i dont noramlly do to keep him happy, i ALWAYS do things i dont normally do. i compromise, trust and a whole bunch of other things

big big difference in loving and being in love

Tanya said...

oops...that last comment should be under this name sowwie

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