A little while ago...around my birthday in January...I had a conversation with seven other friends about what we were looking for in a relationship. Like, what is the ONE key thing that we wanted from out mate. At the time the question baffled me...I couldn't think of ONE thing from a relationship that I really wanted more than anything else. Some gave the answers: trust, consideration, loyalty...but I never answered the question. I don't even think any of them noticed lol. I've been racking my brain with this question for a long time now and I think I've finally figured it out (for myself at least)...
I want communication.
There is NO type of relationship in this world that can last without communication. It sounds like a very generic, impersonal answer but I can break it down and show that it is not. In a nutshell I want communication...but these reasons are why this would be my ONE answer to the question of what I want from my mate.
Communication is used to get through problems: When there is confusion between two people, the only way to solve or overcome it is communication. No one reads minds (or at least not anyone I know) so it is important for two people to be able to effectively communicate in order to get through things. When only one person speaks all the time (whether by force or because the other is silent) it makes it difficult to progress.
Unspoken communication between couples builds a bond: Ever been with someone and the two of you are in a room full of people and all you two have to do is look at each other and it will cause you both to bust out laughing? No one in that entire room knows what is so funny but it makes perfect sense to you both. To me, that is a great way for couples to bond. When two people have their own jokes, their own handshakes, even their own words for things that they've made up...it makes the relationship fun!
When you learn how to communicate with your partner it shows growth: It is easy to say that communication is important but what's not easy is knowing off hand how to communicate with everyone. Everyone does not handle things the same way. Some people are harder to communicate with because they talk more and listen less, they talk less and listen more, they are easily angered or they are very passive. It takes a very good understanding of your mate to know exactly how and when to communicate with them. It's almost like a skill because eventually you become one of the only people that knows how to communicate to them without any obstacles being in the way.
Communication builds trust: Yes, trust is a VERY critical aspect in a relationship but trust cannot be built without the key factor of communication. If your mate is constantly in the dark about your whereabouts or has no idea who certain people are to you because they havent been told...it will probably raise a few red flags. This is not to say that you should feel like you need to report things to each other because part of trust is knowing your mate will not do anything wrong, but small communication in the beginning will work out for the better in the end. It's all about what each couple & each partner is comfortable with.
The more you communicate, the more you understand your mate: Through conversations is how you got to know who you were with in the first place right? So it's not too far fetched to say that this is how you will continue getting to know who you are with right?? Exactly!! You don't just learn everything about someone over a few days/months/or even years. You continue getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. Everytime a new situation presents itself, you will learn something new about your S.O. if you guys have that type of relationship where you talk alot.
Communication prevents confusion or a feeling of uneasiness: This might not apply to everyone but there are plenty potential homewreckers out there so if you can't relate to this, I'm sure you have at least heard a story. Don't you hate when an outsider informs you of something that you mate should have told you? Or when someone lies to you about who you're with in efforts to sabatoge your relationship? Most of the time these same ppl have made slick comments or hinted along the lines of messing up what you have, so when you talk to your partner and they know ahead of time...it is easy to avoid conflict. It builds your bond and makes you stronger as a couple. When the lines of communication are open, no one will feel as if they are left in the dark. There will never be a question of honesty between you two because everything your mate needs to know will already have been told to them. And if someone does try to sabatoge, an open line of communication makes it easy for a S.O. to openly ask something, get an honest answer and that be the end of it.
Effective communication shows you respect your mate: Learn to just speak to one another. When you choose to communicate in a respectful way it shows...well, it shows that you respect your mate lol. If there is alot of sarcasm, yelling, attitude, etc...it will prevent the other person being spoken to from responding in a respectful manner and then the whole source of the problem is lost. Speak TO your partner and not AT them. Also, learn to listen to your mate without interruption. It doesn't mean to not share how you feel but when someone isn't allowed to get their point across it will make them draw back and it will disrupt the flow of communication. Once a couple has learned to communicate, I feel there is no stopping them.
These are the reasons I feel that communication would be my solid answer to that question. There are alot more reasons but I'm sure you get the point. COMMUNICATE with who you love if you want things to last. I have proven that it helps you get through issues, it builds a bond, it promotes growth in relationships, it builds trust and understanding, prevents confusion and it shows respect.
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP... DO YOU AGREE?? WHY???
AND IF NOT...WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS MOST IMPORTANT?? WHY???