Who Should You Take Advice From About Relationships??

6/07/2010 08:06:00 AM Posted In Edit This 3 Comments »
everyone gives advice right? but does anyone take it anymore? and if you do take advice, is it ever from the right people??

i'm a avid believer in not taking advice from someone who has never been in the situation that i need it for, and doesn't know anyone who has. there are going to be plenty of people that offer their advice and feel it is best...but is it really?

i have a friend that had quite a few relationship issues and part of them stemmed from taking advice from allll the wrong people. if you are someone interested in a relatonship and want to be committed and faithful, would you take advice from a friend that's trying to have sex with anything moving?? i know i wouldn't because how the hell can they help me with my problems? they can't even relate.

when i need advice, i go to the people that i know have been through what i am going through and made it out alive. i don't ask anyone still in the situation because they need the same advice that i need.

another thing people do that they shouldn't is take relationship advice from previous mates that can't let go or people that have expressed interest in them. do you REALLY think that they're going to tell you the right thing to do? or just what you want to hear?

my best advice to people is to take into consideration the advice from people that have always been honest with you no matter how much it hurt. those are the ones that are going to give you the real, honest answers or opinions that you need.


Quick Relationship Question...

6/02/2010 11:53:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 4 Comments »
I get the whole 'ride or die' concept...but what's the limit of what you are willing to put up with in a relationship?

Having Children Together...a Reason to Stay??

6/02/2010 11:51:00 PM Edit This 5 Comments »
I sat around with some friends and had a relationship convo so that i could figure out some new blog topics.  during that convo it came up that sometimes people feel like their children are a reason to be with someone that they may not necessarily be the person they love, or want to spend their time with.

I happen to be a woman that doesn't have kids yet, so i tried to find a way to view the topic from a different light...from the outside looking in.  i've always heard opinions on both sides of the argument so i can't say that i am biased. it doesn't effect me either way.

i feel that if a couple decides together that they want yo have a child, that some type of love is present between them and they should probably try to work through most issues.  if you are a couple that did not plan on having a child though, and it just was not part of your plan at all, i completely disagree with that child keeping you together.  there are several children that have been raised and grown into wonderful people whose parents werent together. the excuse of staying for the child's sake is no longer valid...so why do people feel the need to stay somewhere unhappy just for a child?

i don't agree with that. my parents are not together and havent been since before i can remember and i am just fine.  i honestly feel like people that use children as a martyring system for their relationship really just haven't found another way to admit their mistakes and use the child to hold on to any ounce of "love" that is left.

i am very curious to hear the thoughts of my blog supporters, and even first time visitors.
do you think having a child together is a reason to stay in a relationship, even if you aren't as happy as you could be outside of it?

i want opinions from everyone, even if you don't have children. curious to know what everyone thinks about this...

Quick Relationship Question...

6/02/2010 11:17:00 PM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
If you could change something about your mate, what would it be?  Do you think they would change anything about you??

When Is It Ok to Use the Bathroom in Front of Your Mate???

6/02/2010 11:15:00 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
The idea for this blog was bought up a very long time ago.  Just had no idea how to approach this one.  It makes me laugh thinking about it but it is actually a very valid question.  When is it okay to shit in front of your girl/guy, or while they are home?

I'm going to be honest, after two and a half years with someone, i was just able to do that while he's in the next room.  (Yes, females shit too.)  I was all nervous about doing it.  i made him get me the spray and stand away from the door.  It just made me feel so unladylike.  He was very cool about it, but if i wasn't concerned about not holding it in for health reasons, it would not have gone down.

I also thought about it like this though...you eventually want to live with who you are with (if it is serious).  It is inevitable that we will be in the house together at a time where i need to drop some kids off at the pool, so at some point i'd have to get used to taking that step.  One of my exes even sat in the bathroom while i took a shit.  Extremely awkward, but i guess that is some form of love shown.

LADIES: When do you think it is okay to shit around your man?

FELLAS: Do you care if your girl takes a shit in front of you?

BACK...and way more focused!

5/30/2010 12:30:00 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
i finally finally finally got the internet set up on my room laptop and am now able to write ALOT more often than i used to. if there are any topics/issues/concerns/questions about relationships that anyone wants discussed let me know and i will do my best to get to every single one...

Quick Relationship Questions....

3/08/2010 07:20:00 PM Posted In , , Edit This 2 Comments »
What is the WORST relationship experience you have ever had??

Communication is KEY!

3/01/2010 03:47:00 PM Posted In , Edit This 5 Comments »
A little while ago...around my birthday in January...I had a conversation with seven other friends about what we were looking for in a relationship. Like, what is the ONE key thing that we wanted from out mate. At the time the question baffled me...I couldn't think of ONE thing from a relationship that I really wanted more than anything else. Some gave the answers: trust, consideration, loyalty...but I never answered the question. I don't even think any of them noticed lol. I've been racking my brain with this question for a long time now and I think I've finally figured it out (for myself at least)...

I want communication.

There is NO type of relationship in this world that can last without communication. It sounds like a very generic, impersonal answer but I can break it down and show that it is not. In a nutshell I want communication...but these reasons are why this would be my ONE answer to the question of what I want from my mate.

Communication is used to get through problems: When there is confusion between two people, the only way to solve or overcome it is communication. No one reads minds (or at least not anyone I know) so it is important for two people to be able to effectively communicate in order to get through things. When only one person speaks all the time (whether by force or because the other is silent) it makes it difficult to progress.

Unspoken communication between couples builds a bond: Ever been with someone and the two of you are in a room full of people and all you two have to do is look at each other and it will cause you both to bust out laughing? No one in that entire room knows what is so funny but it makes perfect sense to you both. To me, that is a great way for couples to bond. When two people have their own jokes, their own handshakes, even their own words for things that they've made up...it makes the relationship fun!

When you learn how to communicate with your partner it shows growth: It is easy to say that communication is important but what's not easy is knowing off hand how to communicate with everyone. Everyone does not handle things the same way. Some people are harder to communicate with because they talk more and listen less, they talk less and listen more, they are easily angered or they are very passive. It takes a very good understanding of your mate to know exactly how and when to communicate with them. It's almost like a skill because eventually you become one of the only people that knows how to communicate to them without any obstacles being in the way.

Communication builds trust: Yes, trust is a VERY critical aspect in a relationship but trust cannot be built without the key factor of communication. If your mate is constantly in the dark about your whereabouts or has no idea who certain people are to you because they havent been told...it will probably raise a few red flags. This is not to say that you should feel like you need to report things to each other because part of trust is knowing your mate will not do anything wrong, but small communication in the beginning will work out for the better in the end. It's all about what each couple & each partner is comfortable with.

The more you communicate, the more you understand your mate: Through conversations is how you got to know who you were with in the first place right? So it's not too far fetched to say that this is how you will continue getting to know who you are with right?? Exactly!! You don't just learn everything about someone over a few days/months/or even years. You continue getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. Everytime a new situation presents itself, you will learn something new about your S.O. if you guys have that type of relationship where you talk alot.

Communication prevents confusion or a feeling of uneasiness: This might not apply to everyone but there are plenty potential homewreckers out there so if you can't relate to this, I'm sure you have at least heard a story. Don't you hate when an outsider informs you of something that you mate should have told you? Or when someone lies to you about who you're with in efforts to sabatoge your relationship? Most of the time these same ppl have made slick comments or hinted along the lines of messing up what you have, so when you talk to your partner and they know ahead of time...it is easy to avoid conflict. It builds your bond and makes you stronger as a couple. When the lines of communication are open, no one will feel as if they are left in the dark. There will never be a question of honesty between you two because everything your mate needs to know will already have been told to them. And if someone does try to sabatoge, an open line of communication makes it easy for a S.O. to openly ask something, get an honest answer and that be the end of it.

Effective communication shows you respect your mate: Learn to just speak to one another. When you choose to communicate in a respectful way it shows...well, it shows that you respect your mate lol. If there is alot of sarcasm, yelling, attitude, etc...it will prevent the other person being spoken to from responding in a respectful manner and then the whole source of the problem is lost. Speak TO your partner and not AT them. Also, learn to listen to your mate without interruption. It doesn't mean to not share how you feel but when someone isn't allowed to get their point across it will make them draw back and it will disrupt the flow of communication. Once a couple has learned to communicate, I feel there is no stopping them.

These are the reasons I feel that communication would be my solid answer to that question. There are alot more reasons but I'm sure you get the point. COMMUNICATE with who you love if you want things to last. I have proven that it helps you get through issues, it builds a bond, it promotes growth in relationships, it builds trust and understanding, prevents confusion and it shows respect.



Don't Cheat...Teach!!!

2/19/2010 09:26:00 AM Posted In , Edit This 3 Comments »
One of the biggest reasons for cheating is one of the people in a relationship being unsatisfied. They continue being with the person based on love and care, but sexually they are not being pleased. This is a terrible reason to cheat! I don't think there is any 'good' reason to cheat, but this is thr WORST! If you are that in love that you would stay committed and not be satisfied...

DON'T CHEAT..........TEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is the easiest solution to your problem. In a relationship there should be a certain level of comfort. You should be able to express your feelings to your significant other. Although the previous statement is true, it may be hard to tell your 'boo' that they are bad in bed. I have a way to fix that too...
If this is a situation you are currently in...listen up! The next time you are about to get it on with your mate, ask them to play a game of Simon Says...or whatever your name is. Instruct them to do exactly what you want, but only when you say '_____ says'. This way they won't feel like they've done something wrong, they'll think you're just being kinky...but at the same time you are literally teaching them exactly what you like.
Another way to approach it is positive reinforcement. The sex can't be ALL bad, so when they do something you like...verbalize it. This will encourage them to do that more often. There are several ways to go about it, just make it fun and subtle.
The worst way to handle this is to blatantly tell your mate you don't like the sex. This may cause them to draw away or become self-conscious.
It pains me to hear anyone say they're cheating because they don't get what they want at home. Nine times out of ten, the person you're cheating on for this reason is who you actually want to be with, and the person you're cheating with is just filling a void.
If you're going to complain about something, do your part to fix it. It can be fixed...nothing is impossible. When people are in love they enjoy pleasing each other, so why wouldn't they work on it for you??
To sit there and fake orgasms and make them think they are putting it down is the reason they haven't changed their style up in you. Why would they fix something that doesn't appear broken? You're the one lying to them...so finally tell the truth...but in a fun way!
Cheating is not the way to go. It does far more damage than actually sitting there and telling them the sex is bad.
If you love the person enough to stay, love them enough to make an effort to fix the issue.

Que & Dawn

Que & Dawn

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Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie

Will & Jada Smith

Will & Jada Smith

Beyonce & Jay-Z

Beyonce & Jay-Z