Is It Ok To Date The Ex Of A Friend??
12/12/2008 03:49:00 PM Posted In "code" , friends , sharing mates Edit This 9 Comments »
i have a friend who came to me for advice. There is a female he really has an interest in...but she just so happens to be an ex of a close friend of his. He asked me if he would be wrong for going after her and expressing an interest in her. Lord knows i am terrible at relationship advice, which is probably why i am single lol...so i had NO clue what to tell him.
i know there is a "code" about not dating the ex of a friend but ummmm...what exactly is the code? Is there a certain closeness you have to have with the person before it applies because i know some dudes who share females...and not just for sex (they actually date the same girls)...dont ask me, im just the messenger lmao
but yeah...what the hell should i tell this dude? shit, i just want to know an answer for myself!!!
i know there is a "code" about not dating the ex of a friend but ummmm...what exactly is the code? Is there a certain closeness you have to have with the person before it applies because i know some dudes who share females...and not just for sex (they actually date the same girls)...dont ask me, im just the messenger lmao
but yeah...what the hell should i tell this dude? shit, i just want to know an answer for myself!!!
9 comments:
Hmmm...Ok well here's my opinion. I feel if this is his boy, road dog, ride or die homie, then that's a line he definitely shouldn't cross & that goes for ladies as well!!! There are lines males/females shouldn't cross in friendships & dating your peeps ex-significant other is one you dare not cross. This can actually be the down fall of a great friendship!! Is it really worth it??
Now if these two ppl are just associates, he's not caring if the friendship continues once this news is out & feels pursing this relationship is worth the scarifice of a friendship, then hey go for it...You never know till you try. As humans, we can't control our feelings. However, we can control unnecessary situations from occuring.
Hopefully things work out...Keep us posted!! :)
Miss Dior!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Girl, you might as well pick up the homeless and give him a condo!!!:(
hmmm
well there does have to be a certain friendship and closeness between the fellas... if they are real close and thats somebody he doesnt want to lose as a friend then he shouldnt do it.
Another thing to take into consideration is how the girl's ex felt about her when they were dating (I have a bunch of brothers so i know and understand the code somewhat)
if the boy really liked her she's off limits. If she was just some broad to the dude then he should be able to go to the friend and tell him whats going on and get the OK from him.
Dont do that sneaky behind the back stuff its just triflin and i hate to see a friendship ruined for a relationship that might not last a whole 2 months
No, that shit is never ok.
End of story.
sooo, first i asked if he was really even that close to the dude & he said no (thank you Fab 4) then, i gave him the advice to bring the girl up to his homeboy and see how he feels about her (thank you Super Woman)...then i told him if he did feel strongly about her, even though they aren't close, to just leave it alone and if he didn't, then bring up an idea of him wanting to holla and see what the reaction is...i'll keep you guys up to date on the response
*crosses fingers*
It may not be ok, but its not wrong if it its not done out of malice or hate.
Ex Wife .. Not OK.
Ex "girlfriend" .. not Ok.
Ex Shorty ... hmmmmm
used to fhuk with him/her ... hmmm, i say do you but make sure its worth it or that they wont really care much.
wanted to / alway like him/her ... c'mon you cant be serious. If you dont want to pull the trigger that means im supposed to sit on my ass. FHUK OUTA HERE.
I just think some people are just too emotional. Im not going to stop living my life b/c you went somewhere before me and it didnt work out.
I think it depends on how close him and that dude are, how deep their relationship was and how long its been since they broke up... But in most situations... the ex of a friend is off limits.
In my book, it's not okay if it is indeed a REAL friend. If it's someone who you'd consider your sister hell to the no! YOu'd ruin your friendship, unless maybe that person doesn't care.
When you Really think about it, that person ended their relationship with their ex for a reason. You'd have to ask yourself why did they leave that person, and whether or not you'd want to deal witht he same drama.
HE SHOULD NOT
I REPEAT SHOULD NOT DO THAT PERIOD
If he values his friendship with his friend then he wouldnt do that at all.
Now if he went about it as talking to his friend and asking if it was ok and he gave him the ok then thats fine.
To do it behind his boys back shows no respect for the friendship he has.
Im in that situation now as we speak and its funny to me but nor do i care about what the female decisions was....i was mad at him for doing that cause i expect it from her NOT him.
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