...trucee...

i finally finally finally got the internet set up on my room laptop and am now able to write ALOT more often than i used to. if there are any topics/issues/concerns/questions about relationships that anyone wants discussed let me know and i will do my best to get to every single one...

What is the WORST relationship experience you have ever had??

A little while ago...around my birthday in January...I had a conversation with seven other friends about what we were looking for in a relationship. Like, what is the ONE key thing that we wanted from out mate. At the time the question baffled me...I couldn't think of ONE thing from a relationship that I really wanted more than anything else. Some gave the answers: trust, consideration, loyalty...but I never answered the question. I don't even think any of them noticed lol. I've been racking my brain with this question for a long time now and I think I've finally figured it out (for myself at least)...

I want communication.

There is NO type of relationship in this world that can last without communication. It sounds like a very generic, impersonal answer but I can break it down and show that it is not. In a nutshell I want communication...but these reasons are why this would be my ONE answer to the question of what I want from my mate.

Communication is used to get through problems: When there is confusion between two people, the only way to solve or overcome it is communication. No one reads minds (or at least not anyone I know) so it is important for two people to be able to effectively communicate in order to get through things. When only one person speaks all the time (whether by force or because the other is silent) it makes it difficult to progress.

Unspoken communication between couples builds a bond: Ever been with someone and the two of you are in a room full of people and all you two have to do is look at each other and it will cause you both to bust out laughing? No one in that entire room knows what is so funny but it makes perfect sense to you both. To me, that is a great way for couples to bond. When two people have their own jokes, their own handshakes, even their own words for things that they've made up...it makes the relationship fun!

When you learn how to communicate with your partner it shows growth: It is easy to say that communication is important but what's not easy is knowing off hand how to communicate with everyone. Everyone does not handle things the same way. Some people are harder to communicate with because they talk more and listen less, they talk less and listen more, they are easily angered or they are very passive. It takes a very good understanding of your mate to know exactly how and when to communicate with them. It's almost like a skill because eventually you become one of the only people that knows how to communicate to them without any obstacles being in the way.

Communication builds trust: Yes, trust is a VERY critical aspect in a relationship but trust cannot be built without the key factor of communication. If your mate is constantly in the dark about your whereabouts or has no idea who certain people are to you because they havent been told...it will probably raise a few red flags. This is not to say that you should feel like you need to report things to each other because part of trust is knowing your mate will not do anything wrong, but small communication in the beginning will work out for the better in the end. It's all about what each couple & each partner is comfortable with.

The more you communicate, the more you understand your mate: Through conversations is how you got to know who you were with in the first place right? So it's not too far fetched to say that this is how you will continue getting to know who you are with right?? Exactly!! You don't just learn everything about someone over a few days/months/or even years. You continue getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. Everytime a new situation presents itself, you will learn something new about your S.O. if you guys have that type of relationship where you talk alot.

Communication prevents confusion or a feeling of uneasiness: This might not apply to everyone but there are plenty potential homewreckers out there so if you can't relate to this, I'm sure you have at least heard a story. Don't you hate when an outsider informs you of something that you mate should have told you? Or when someone lies to you about who you're with in efforts to sabatoge your relationship? Most of the time these same ppl have made slick comments or hinted along the lines of messing up what you have, so when you talk to your partner and they know ahead of time...it is easy to avoid conflict. It builds your bond and makes you stronger as a couple. When the lines of communication are open, no one will feel as if they are left in the dark. There will never be a question of honesty between you two because everything your mate needs to know will already have been told to them. And if someone does try to sabatoge, an open line of communication makes it easy for a S.O. to openly ask something, get an honest answer and that be the end of it.

Effective communication shows you respect your mate: Learn to just speak to one another. When you choose to communicate in a respectful way it shows...well, it shows that you respect your mate lol. If there is alot of sarcasm, yelling, attitude, etc...it will prevent the other person being spoken to from responding in a respectful manner and then the whole source of the problem is lost. Speak TO your partner and not AT them. Also, learn to listen to your mate without interruption. It doesn't mean to not share how you feel but when someone isn't allowed to get their point across it will make them draw back and it will disrupt the flow of communication. Once a couple has learned to communicate, I feel there is no stopping them.


These are the reasons I feel that communication would be my solid answer to that question. There are alot more reasons but I'm sure you get the point. COMMUNICATE with who you love if you want things to last. I have proven that it helps you get through issues, it builds a bond, it promotes growth in relationships, it builds trust and understanding, prevents confusion and it shows respect.


NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP...
DO YOU AGREE?? WHY???

AND IF NOT...WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS MOST IMPORTANT?? WHY???

One of the biggest reasons for cheating is one of the people in a relationship being unsatisfied. They continue being with the person based on love and care, but sexually they are not being pleased. This is a terrible reason to cheat! I don't think there is any 'good' reason to cheat, but this is thr WORST! If you are that in love that you would stay committed and not be satisfied...

This post idea came out of nowhere but so many people have been asking me what i want to do with an English degree and THIS is what i want to do! So instead of ignoring my blog anymore...i have to get back on track so i can go into the New Year with hard work being done...because that's how i want to spend my year...

Anyway, back to the point of the post. Its been on my mind lately that alot of couples dont work out because one party or the other feels they arent getting the 'love they need'. Everytime i run this thought over in my head, it makes me really analyze what they mean by that.

On the flip side, the other party is usually standing there with a confused look saying things like: "i loved them the best way i knew how'.

THERE IS THE PROBLEM PEOPLE!!!

I know everyone is a bit confused but let me break it down. When you are in a relationship, most of the time you come across a few bumps in the road or obstacles. There will be arguements where one half of the couple feels some type of way and the other has no idea why because they 'loved them the best way they knew how'.

Let me ask everyone this: Has there been a point in your relationship where you have sat and literally told your partner what you want/need and did that because you expected them to comply? And then when the problem presented itself again...every word you said previously was ignored. Your partner just continued trying to handle things the "best way they knew how".

ATTENTION: IF YOUR MATE IS TELLING YOU EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE SPECIFIC SITUATIONS.....LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is no worst feeling then having the strength to tell your partner how you are feeling, only for it to be ignored! As people in relationships, you have to learn how to listen. You have to learn how to take what is being said to you LITERALLY and act by those exact words.

When someone expresses how they feel, it isnt up to you to make you rown interpretation of it or "revamp" it...they are telling you because that is EXACTLY how they want a situation handled if it comes back up again.

FOR EXAMPLE: A couple argues alot. The guy reveals to the girl that it upsets him when she continues to 'nag' him as he tries to calm down because he has a temper and does not want to take it out on her. She hears these words EVERY time they argue but does NOT take heed to them. She takes her own interpretation of it and instead of calling over and over starts texting instead. That is NOT what the male asked for. He asked for a certain amount of space for him to calm down so that he can have a clear head and then come back to the situation. Once the girl tries this, things become better within the relationship because, just as his wishes are respected, he begins to respect hers more because he sees that she is receptive to his wants/needs.

This also applies to males dealing with females. If she gets upset and likes attention to be given to her...give it. It probably wont take much for her to be happy and forget about the whole issue.


THE MORAL OF THIS POST: If someone you are with tells you in detail how to handle rocky situations in your relationship...take that to heart. They are giving you the solution to most problems.



DO NOT LOVE PEOPLE THE WAY THAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT....LOVE THEM THE WAY THEY ASK YOU TO...it makes everything better!