...trucee...

Let's be honest...it's 2011 and the majority of us have indulged in a sex on the first night before. We may not be proud of it or even admit to it, but it has happened. My only question is, does it still have the same stigma it's had in the past? Do people still consider females who have sex the first time they chill with a guy a 'hoe'? And do women still view men that try to have sex after only hanging out once a 'player'?

Now screwing everyone on the first night, that's a little bit of a problem...but is it so wrong to have such a strong physical attraction to someone that you take it a step further after just one date?  I think it's more of a generational thing though.  All of the older people I know make it seem like it's a terrible thing, while people in my generation view it as simply acting on an attraction.

What makes it more than what it is, is the way most women feel after they've had sex with a guy after barely knowing him. They start getting into- what if people find out? Does he think I'm a hoe? Is that all he wanted?  Granted, there are some men that make women feel comfortable enough to have sex with them and then disappear, but some men are just genuinely as attracted to you as you are to them.

It's all about making a conscious decision that it's something you want to do.  If you're doing it with hesitance, or because you just think it's what the other person wants, then maybe you should decide against it because all you will have is regret.  But if it's something that you're doing because you want to, then there is no way that you can regret it afterwards.

It happens everyday, but are people still putting that stigma behind it that it makes you lose value? Or a hoe? Or easy? Or a player?

Do any of my readers have a current, healthy relationship that stemmed from sex on the first night?

Can be read on http://www.thesituationship.com/ !

everyone gives advice right? but does anyone take it anymore? and if you do take advice, is it ever from the right people??

i'm a avid believer in not taking advice from someone who has never been in the situation that i need it for, and doesn't know anyone who has. there are going to be plenty of people that offer their advice and feel it is best...but is it really?

i have a friend that had quite a few relationship issues and part of them stemmed from taking advice from allll the wrong people. if you are someone interested in a relatonship and want to be committed and faithful, would you take advice from a friend that's trying to have sex with anything moving?? i know i wouldn't because how the hell can they help me with my problems? they can't even relate.

when i need advice, i go to the people that i know have been through what i am going through and made it out alive. i don't ask anyone still in the situation because they need the same advice that i need.

another thing people do that they shouldn't is take relationship advice from previous mates that can't let go or people that have expressed interest in them. do you REALLY think that they're going to tell you the right thing to do? or just what you want to hear?

my best advice to people is to take into consideration the advice from people that have always been honest with you no matter how much it hurt. those are the ones that are going to give you the real, honest answers or opinions that you need.


WHO DO MY READERS THINK GIVES THE BEST ADVICE IN THEIR LIVES? WHO SHOULD YOU, AND SHOULDN'T YOU, TAKE ADVICE FROM??

I get the whole 'ride or die' concept...but what's the limit of what you are willing to put up with in a relationship?

I sat around with some friends and had a relationship convo so that i could figure out some new blog topics.  during that convo it came up that sometimes people feel like their children are a reason to be with someone that they may not necessarily be the person they love, or want to spend their time with.

I happen to be a woman that doesn't have kids yet, so i tried to find a way to view the topic from a different light...from the outside looking in.  i've always heard opinions on both sides of the argument so i can't say that i am biased. it doesn't effect me either way.

i feel that if a couple decides together that they want yo have a child, that some type of love is present between them and they should probably try to work through most issues.  if you are a couple that did not plan on having a child though, and it just was not part of your plan at all, i completely disagree with that child keeping you together.  there are several children that have been raised and grown into wonderful people whose parents werent together. the excuse of staying for the child's sake is no longer valid...so why do people feel the need to stay somewhere unhappy just for a child?

i don't agree with that. my parents are not together and havent been since before i can remember and i am just fine.  i honestly feel like people that use children as a martyring system for their relationship really just haven't found another way to admit their mistakes and use the child to hold on to any ounce of "love" that is left.

i am very curious to hear the thoughts of my blog supporters, and even first time visitors.
do you think having a child together is a reason to stay in a relationship, even if you aren't as happy as you could be outside of it?

i want opinions from everyone, even if you don't have children. curious to know what everyone thinks about this...

If you could change something about your mate, what would it be?  Do you think they would change anything about you??

The idea for this blog was bought up a very long time ago.  Just had no idea how to approach this one.  It makes me laugh thinking about it but it is actually a very valid question.  When is it okay to shit in front of your girl/guy, or while they are home?

I'm going to be honest, after two and a half years with someone, i was just able to do that while he's in the next room.  (Yes, females shit too.)  I was all nervous about doing it.  i made him get me the spray and stand away from the door.  It just made me feel so unladylike.  He was very cool about it, but if i wasn't concerned about not holding it in for health reasons, it would not have gone down.

I also thought about it like this though...you eventually want to live with who you are with (if it is serious).  It is inevitable that we will be in the house together at a time where i need to drop some kids off at the pool, so at some point i'd have to get used to taking that step.  One of my exes even sat in the bathroom while i took a shit.  Extremely awkward, but i guess that is some form of love shown.

LADIES: When do you think it is okay to shit around your man?

FELLAS: Do you care if your girl takes a shit in front of you?

i finally finally finally got the internet set up on my room laptop and am now able to write ALOT more often than i used to. if there are any topics/issues/concerns/questions about relationships that anyone wants discussed let me know and i will do my best to get to every single one...

What is the WORST relationship experience you have ever had??

A little while ago...around my birthday in January...I had a conversation with seven other friends about what we were looking for in a relationship. Like, what is the ONE key thing that we wanted from out mate. At the time the question baffled me...I couldn't think of ONE thing from a relationship that I really wanted more than anything else. Some gave the answers: trust, consideration, loyalty...but I never answered the question. I don't even think any of them noticed lol. I've been racking my brain with this question for a long time now and I think I've finally figured it out (for myself at least)...

I want communication.

There is NO type of relationship in this world that can last without communication. It sounds like a very generic, impersonal answer but I can break it down and show that it is not. In a nutshell I want communication...but these reasons are why this would be my ONE answer to the question of what I want from my mate.

Communication is used to get through problems: When there is confusion between two people, the only way to solve or overcome it is communication. No one reads minds (or at least not anyone I know) so it is important for two people to be able to effectively communicate in order to get through things. When only one person speaks all the time (whether by force or because the other is silent) it makes it difficult to progress.

Unspoken communication between couples builds a bond: Ever been with someone and the two of you are in a room full of people and all you two have to do is look at each other and it will cause you both to bust out laughing? No one in that entire room knows what is so funny but it makes perfect sense to you both. To me, that is a great way for couples to bond. When two people have their own jokes, their own handshakes, even their own words for things that they've made up...it makes the relationship fun!

When you learn how to communicate with your partner it shows growth: It is easy to say that communication is important but what's not easy is knowing off hand how to communicate with everyone. Everyone does not handle things the same way. Some people are harder to communicate with because they talk more and listen less, they talk less and listen more, they are easily angered or they are very passive. It takes a very good understanding of your mate to know exactly how and when to communicate with them. It's almost like a skill because eventually you become one of the only people that knows how to communicate to them without any obstacles being in the way.

Communication builds trust: Yes, trust is a VERY critical aspect in a relationship but trust cannot be built without the key factor of communication. If your mate is constantly in the dark about your whereabouts or has no idea who certain people are to you because they havent been told...it will probably raise a few red flags. This is not to say that you should feel like you need to report things to each other because part of trust is knowing your mate will not do anything wrong, but small communication in the beginning will work out for the better in the end. It's all about what each couple & each partner is comfortable with.

The more you communicate, the more you understand your mate: Through conversations is how you got to know who you were with in the first place right? So it's not too far fetched to say that this is how you will continue getting to know who you are with right?? Exactly!! You don't just learn everything about someone over a few days/months/or even years. You continue getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship. Everytime a new situation presents itself, you will learn something new about your S.O. if you guys have that type of relationship where you talk alot.

Communication prevents confusion or a feeling of uneasiness: This might not apply to everyone but there are plenty potential homewreckers out there so if you can't relate to this, I'm sure you have at least heard a story. Don't you hate when an outsider informs you of something that you mate should have told you? Or when someone lies to you about who you're with in efforts to sabatoge your relationship? Most of the time these same ppl have made slick comments or hinted along the lines of messing up what you have, so when you talk to your partner and they know ahead of time...it is easy to avoid conflict. It builds your bond and makes you stronger as a couple. When the lines of communication are open, no one will feel as if they are left in the dark. There will never be a question of honesty between you two because everything your mate needs to know will already have been told to them. And if someone does try to sabatoge, an open line of communication makes it easy for a S.O. to openly ask something, get an honest answer and that be the end of it.

Effective communication shows you respect your mate: Learn to just speak to one another. When you choose to communicate in a respectful way it shows...well, it shows that you respect your mate lol. If there is alot of sarcasm, yelling, attitude, etc...it will prevent the other person being spoken to from responding in a respectful manner and then the whole source of the problem is lost. Speak TO your partner and not AT them. Also, learn to listen to your mate without interruption. It doesn't mean to not share how you feel but when someone isn't allowed to get their point across it will make them draw back and it will disrupt the flow of communication. Once a couple has learned to communicate, I feel there is no stopping them.


These are the reasons I feel that communication would be my solid answer to that question. There are alot more reasons but I'm sure you get the point. COMMUNICATE with who you love if you want things to last. I have proven that it helps you get through issues, it builds a bond, it promotes growth in relationships, it builds trust and understanding, prevents confusion and it shows respect.


NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP...
DO YOU AGREE?? WHY???

AND IF NOT...WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS MOST IMPORTANT?? WHY???

One of the biggest reasons for cheating is one of the people in a relationship being unsatisfied. They continue being with the person based on love and care, but sexually they are not being pleased. This is a terrible reason to cheat! I don't think there is any 'good' reason to cheat, but this is thr WORST! If you are that in love that you would stay committed and not be satisfied...

This post idea came out of nowhere but so many people have been asking me what i want to do with an English degree and THIS is what i want to do! So instead of ignoring my blog anymore...i have to get back on track so i can go into the New Year with hard work being done...because that's how i want to spend my year...

Anyway, back to the point of the post. Its been on my mind lately that alot of couples dont work out because one party or the other feels they arent getting the 'love they need'. Everytime i run this thought over in my head, it makes me really analyze what they mean by that.

On the flip side, the other party is usually standing there with a confused look saying things like: "i loved them the best way i knew how'.

THERE IS THE PROBLEM PEOPLE!!!

I know everyone is a bit confused but let me break it down. When you are in a relationship, most of the time you come across a few bumps in the road or obstacles. There will be arguements where one half of the couple feels some type of way and the other has no idea why because they 'loved them the best way they knew how'.

Let me ask everyone this: Has there been a point in your relationship where you have sat and literally told your partner what you want/need and did that because you expected them to comply? And then when the problem presented itself again...every word you said previously was ignored. Your partner just continued trying to handle things the "best way they knew how".

ATTENTION: IF YOUR MATE IS TELLING YOU EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE SPECIFIC SITUATIONS.....LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is no worst feeling then having the strength to tell your partner how you are feeling, only for it to be ignored! As people in relationships, you have to learn how to listen. You have to learn how to take what is being said to you LITERALLY and act by those exact words.

When someone expresses how they feel, it isnt up to you to make you rown interpretation of it or "revamp" it...they are telling you because that is EXACTLY how they want a situation handled if it comes back up again.

FOR EXAMPLE: A couple argues alot. The guy reveals to the girl that it upsets him when she continues to 'nag' him as he tries to calm down because he has a temper and does not want to take it out on her. She hears these words EVERY time they argue but does NOT take heed to them. She takes her own interpretation of it and instead of calling over and over starts texting instead. That is NOT what the male asked for. He asked for a certain amount of space for him to calm down so that he can have a clear head and then come back to the situation. Once the girl tries this, things become better within the relationship because, just as his wishes are respected, he begins to respect hers more because he sees that she is receptive to his wants/needs.

This also applies to males dealing with females. If she gets upset and likes attention to be given to her...give it. It probably wont take much for her to be happy and forget about the whole issue.


THE MORAL OF THIS POST: If someone you are with tells you in detail how to handle rocky situations in your relationship...take that to heart. They are giving you the solution to most problems.



DO NOT LOVE PEOPLE THE WAY THAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT....LOVE THEM THE WAY THEY ASK YOU TO...it makes everything better!

wow. where have i been. i have TRULY slacked on this blog but it is for a good cause. im finishing up with school so that i can turn this into an actual magazine.


so please hit me up with new relationship topics you'd like to read about or questions that you want/need answered and ill be back on my grind with this blog.............

-T. Simpson

idk why but lately people have been asking me for ALL types of advice...and it isnt even necessarily people that read the blog! just my friends & shit...and i've come across a recurring theme in all the advice i give out...

usually, what people are complaining about are things they have issues dealing with within themselves. My homegirl tells me that her girl is selfish and doesnt want to change. All the while she is complaining about things ahe has done in the past and KEEPS bringing up how she doesnt think she will change & maybe its time for her to move on. I know one thing about me is that if i'm trying to change something within MYSELF for someone ELSE, the LAAAST thing i wanna hear is that motherfuker complaining about me not changing OVERNIGHT!

Like come on, people expect that just because you have realized change or improvement is needed & want to take the steps towards it, doesnt mean your whole attitude whill instantly approve. People slip back into old habits during a time like that & what they need is someone who notices the POSITIVE within them too.

I felt like the fact that she would even STILL be constantly bringing up the past is a sign that she might just be the selfish one. Help your mate out some...

This brings me to the point of past cheaters....Looooord knows if your mate used to cheat...do not (I REPEAT...DO NOOOOOT) keep bringing that shit up! All you are doing is either reminding WHY they cheated or reminding them about the person they cheated WITH....either one is bad lol

but back to the mirror image thing...if you're constantly accusing someone of doing something...it's gonna start looking like you've been sniffing in other peoples gardens & are insecure that its happening to YOU on the other end! It always makes you look like you lack trust in your partner.


Sooo people, my best advice to anyone with a complaint about their mate is to look at yourself in that same way & see if you're committing the same acts you are accusing them of cuz chances are...you probably are!

And you have two options if you're dealing with someone you have a negative past with...
1. let that shit go
2. let that person go
(holding onto both WONT work out for you)

-T. Simpson

I cant stand when i write to my man and he doesn't respond...at all lol
I can understand if it's something that doesnt require a response but dang...half the time when it does require one, i get nothing. This is an ongoing theme for us, for me to get mad about this. It started becoming cute now because he doesnt even realize half the time that he does it...but let me tell you...it is a HUGE pet peeve of mine?

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR PET PEEVES?

I miss him
I miss looking into his eyes and seeing my reflection
I miss his protection
If this was MY world and we needed a leader...
I wouldnt even tolerate an election
I choose HIM
Shit, that's who i want to lead me
Just like he rules me
My King
If i ever doubted such a thing as a soulmate
He'd be the one that fools me
If there's any doubt that God is real
This is my testimony that He's perfect
Out of all the people in this world
He decided I was worth it
To meet you
To share a future with my equal
Any other man will be denied
Never in my life would I dismiss him
Right now I wish I could kiss him
Hell yeah...
I miss him.

- T. Simpson


just another poem i wrote. feel free to give feedback or maybe a snap lol

i was having a conversation with a very good friend some weeks ago and we came across the subject of her not being satisfied with the progression of her relationship...or "situationship" that she was in. She said he wasn't moving fast enough for her because he was not doing what she was used to as far as distinguishing stages in building a relationship.

She said that he always wants her around and in the crib but he never pays her any attention. She said that he bought her to All Star Weekend this year and she was the only girl and he paid her little to no mind. All his friends were passing comments like "you bringing sand to the beach now??" To her, these things were NOT what she was/is looking for but to me, he damn near was ready to propose to her.

This is my advice that i gave:
KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH FOR WHO THEY ARE!!!

Everyone is always on a kick to change someone or make them fit you or something along those lines. Sometimes bloggers, you just have to accept someone for who they are. I'm not saying that progression in a person isn't a quality you should want, because eveyrone at some point in their life should want to progress...i'm just saying that people have certain ways abotu them that are not going to change and you have to take their signs of love for what they are.

I saw him wanting her over there all the time as him saying that he enjoys her company and even though he's still gonna parlay with his boys and shit...he feels comfortable knowing that she is in his presence...it gives him a sense of security in a way. I took her going to all start weekend as the only female his way of saying..."baby this is not shit that i usually do but i'm feeling you so i'm bringing you FREE OF CHARGE OR ANY EXPENSES...to all star weekend with me and MY NIGGAS!!" When his friends passed their comments abotu bringing sand to the beach, that was a dead giveaway that this is not normally shit that he does...and this is a big step for him. Whether he gave all his attention to her or not...in his mind he was thinking he did something so special for her...andin a way...he did.

I have another friend who thinks her girl is falling out of love. They had a falling out before because my friend was easy to wear her heart on her sleeve and give ALL her emotions to her girl. After that incident she because cold and put a huuuge wall up between the two of them in order not to get hurt again. What my friend didn't realize is that she had that wall up way too long and started believing that this was actually how she always acted towards her girlfriend. She wasn't even noticing the little things her girl was doing to get her to tear parts of this wall down. For the first time since they had dated...her girl said "i love you" first. This isnt no big shit to me because it's mutual between me & mine...but to her it should have been historic! They had been dating on and off for about 5 years!! Thats big shit.

When someone steps outside of theirself and the normal shit that they have grown accustomed to doing...as their mate, you HAVE to take notcie to these things or it could damper a part of your relationship that doesnt even need to be brought up.

People let their egos and not wanting to give in to people be their downfall. If you want your relationship to last...KNOW your mate...like REALLY know them for who they are and then figure out with that information if they are giving you the love you want and the way you want it. Never base it off of how you love though...because.....

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

These are just my words of advice. Anyone ever been in a situation where they misjudged something by not knowing their mate well enough? Or have you been the one who was misunderstood or judged incorrectly??

(yall thought i was joking about this blog...nope)

this may be more to the female readers...but somehow i feel like guys will be able to relate also.

WHY IS THERE ALLLLWAYS THAT ONE FEMALE/MALE THAT HATES ON AND TRIES TO SABATOGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP????????

Of course for those who read the last two blogs, you see that i have somewhat of a stalker "following" my blogs on here and on myspace. Now, i'm not new to the female hater...i just thought that with age, the nonsense and silly shit would stop.

I know all my female readers can feel me on this on at least some level...
Whenever you are happy in a relationship and enjoying your loved one and everything is going as planned...here comes the "hater" trying to ruin things and make them more difficult and even sometimes trying to break up what you have so that they can get involved with your dude. Usually this is ok if they're just doing small little things trying to get under your skin...but then there are times when it gets to this point...where they follow the things you do and start stalking and harrassing you about your dude being with them and claiming then when in reality...you have NO idea who the chick is lol
Here are some points that i can make about the "follower" or "hater":

1. It's usually a girl who used to or wants to get dicked down by the guy you are seeing and feels like you are getting "what's theirs". Most of these chicks are delusional and take things such as AIM and MySpace to a level of actually KNOWing the guy. They feel like the MyHotComments and little comments under pics means that the dude wants them when in reality...he's just a flirt and probably has sent them the same message as a million other chicks on there.

2. Now i wont even put this on solely the female just being crazy...many guys feel the need to gas up every chick they meet and make them feel important and like they have a special place in their lives. The common, average chick takes this and runs with it. There are many cases where the dude will front like he is oblivious to what this girl is talking about when in actuality, he's been filling her head with nonsense all along.

3. Much like my stalker...most of these females make themselves "anonymous" because they know that if the dude knew the shit they were trying to pull...they'd be cut off (if your man had any respect for you...mine had none for me so this kind of stuff was cute to him for some reason). If he has respect though and finds out...then its a wrap for this chick so like my stalker, she must remain anonymous and keep a low profile as far as being founf out is concerned. Another reason she's anonymous could be because she's extremely pussy and doesnt want any problems unless it's through an alternate identity (which is why i just stopped responding lol)

4. ALOT of these females (if you are dating a dude who is popular in some sort of way) fall "in love" with your dudes alter ego. Much like Beyonce and/or most celebrities, alot of popular dudes have a personality when they are dealing with fans and groupies...and then they have their real selves that only family, close friends and of course the girlfriend, fiancee or wife sees. My ex just so happens to be very sexy and has a personality of a "bad boy" and not giving a fuck...ALOT of females are attracted to this bc they see the body, get the pic comments from him and flirt with him...so they feel a connection with the person...but only on that level. If you were to ask these same females your dudes REAL WHOLE name, his favorite color, something else he likes to do besides what they picked up on myspace, facebook or crushspot or even what his parents names are or how many siblings they have/had...the girl would draw the quickest blank face. This is because they have fallen in like with "LoverManDee"instead of David Lamar Brown (example names lmao). Its a sad sad case and sometimes the dude eats it up bc he's confused who he is with this multiple personality. (this is why baby girl put Ms. Patron Pay as i stated i would rather be MRS. C--- B------)

5. ALOT of guys deal with this too! When certain guys have been with a female that puts it on them better than anyone else, but doesnt want to be with them, their whole world turns upside down and they actually step outside of themselves and contact the person's significant other and try to shit on what they have. WHY would you do that?? Especially as a guy bc that seems like such a bitchy, catty thing to do. To me, that shows low self esteem and just extreme catiness.


In my personal case of dealing with the stalker, i have the anonymous chick who tried to come in between a relationship (of two people who arent even together) after following my every word and doing research and then creating and coming up with assumptions that best fit their "case" they wanted to make. Did this message bother me? Yes, because it was done on a blog created for business purposes. And no, because this girl who is the "real deal" cant even state her actual name which means...maybe she isnt being claimed at all. Did it make me question him? No, i actually just told him what happened, we had a discussion about why bitches are crazy and we kept it moving. I even told him not to try to figure out who it was bc he's still my baby and it wouldn't matter anywayz.

Now i'm sure this girl feels that bc i'm not on his top that i'm not being the only one "claimed" as she said...but Lord knows i have let MySpace dictate too much of my life as is...and it really doesnt determine much at all. I know my placein his life and i know what it is/was with us so that whole comment onmy blog was actually pointless (except that it made for a good blog entry...thank you mamas :)

To sum it all up...i'm just curious is anyone has gone through this before: where a random girl/dude has hit up your wifey/hubbie and tried to throw a wrench in your project with them??? How did the situation unfold? What were the end results??


(thank you to you for writing that last comment on the entry my love...cuz whoever it is definitely DOES need to get a life! lol)

Dear Blog Family,

Quite recently ...trucee... was infected with a stalker. Because of this, we were forced to filter all of our comments, being that this is for business purposes and not for people to show their asses. We will continue to write blogs for our readers and hopefully continue to get the same support we've been getting. Sorry for the inconvenience, we are just trying to ensure that ...trucee... is only used for the purpose it was designed for...and not for this petty, childish, immature mess that one lonely female is trying to infect our blog with.

You are still able to comment on whatever you want, it just has to be approved by Serita or myself now. This wont take long considering we both have access to the site, so please keep sharing your opinions and asking questions that you would like answered.

-Ms. Simpson & Ms. Sophisticated :)